Ode to Fluff
by fluffybunny69
Summary: Fluffy crack!fic  written to make you LULZ.


Hermione's hair cascaded in shimmery golden brown waterfalls around her. "Oh, Sevvie! Take me now!" she cried, her luminous hazel brown eyes reflecting the fire of her soul.

"Oh Hermione! You make me want to be a better man! You are so smart and beautiful! I won't ever figure out what I did to deserve you my love! My beautiful, Hermione!" Severus gathered her into his arms, and wept like a child, his liquid onyx eyes leaking like his weeping cock.

And although his lovely Hermione was a virgin, Severus was able to thrust into her in one huge push. "Ohhhh, Sevvvvie, feels sooooo fucking good," she cried, arching her hips.

"You're so tight," Severus moaned.

Hermione returned the moan and they began to thrust in harmony, until they were both spiraling towards some shared climax.

"Come, 'Mione, come for me." Severus pushed once more, and without even touching her clit, Hermione shook under him, crying, "I LOOOOOOOOVEEEEEE YOU!!!!!"

But then the post coital bliss faded away and Snape felt horrified. "Oh my god, what have I done?" he asked Hermione in a horrified way. "You are my student and I shouldn't have ever touched you! It hardly matters that we love one another and that you consented, because I am in a position of power and you aren't even of age!" Snape started blubbering at this point, letting his shiny raven hair (it sparkled like diamonds) fall in front of his face.

"Oh Sevvie-lumpkins don't cry!" Hermione cooed, placing her delicate and feminine arms around him. "Remember all that time I spent using the time-turner to go back in time?" She needed to place a lot of emphasis on time so that Severus and the readers would understand and approve. "Well, all that time added up to more time, so I'm actually a few months over eighteen … even though sixteen is actually the age of consent in England." Not that those little details mattered to anybody.

"Oh thank heavens!" Snape ejaculated, feeling much more at ease now that this little contrived plot device had been put into play. "Now it doesn't matter in the least that I am your teacher and that you are my student!" Dumbledore would approve anyway, because he always approved of everything that had anything to do with true love.

"So what do we do now?" Hermione asked innocently while blushing prettily. It's important to expound on how innocent and blushy she is because she was just recently devirginized.

"Well," said Severus in his most sexy and liquid silky voice. "Now we need to have a long drawn out conversation about how much we love one another so that we can have sex again. Also because I am noble and our conversation will show this."

Hermione sat up and pulled the blanket around her to maintain her modesty. "Is this the part where you quote Shakespeare and harp on about fidelity and foreverness?"

Snape smiled, showing off his perfect white and straight teeth, which he had magically fixed with magic sometime earlier. "O Mistress mine, where are you roaming?

O, stay and hear; your true love's coming,

That can sing both high and low:

Trip no further, pretty sweeting;

Journeys end in lovers meeting,

Every wise man's son doth know.

What is love? 'Tis not hereafter;

Present mirth hath present laughter;

What's to come is still unsure:

In delay there lies not plenty;

Then, come kiss me, sweet and twenty,

Youth's a stuff will not endure."

Hermione shuddered with pleasure, a pretty red blush heating her cheeks and traveling down to colour her throat and breast.

"Wait, wait, I have another," Snape said, because he had memorized Shakespeare for important moments like these. "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;

Coral is far more red than her lips' red;

If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;

If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.

I have seen roses damasked, red and white,

But no such roses see I in her cheeks;

And in some perfumes is there more delight

Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.

I love to hear her speak, yet well I know

That music hath a far more pleasing sound;

I grant I never saw a goddess go;

My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground.

And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare

As any she belied with false compare."

"Oh my!" Hermione purred, feeling the apex between her thighs grow wet with arousal. She gazed into Severus' limpid obsidian eyes and was instantly mesmerized. They stared at one another, suddenly entranced, and slowly, oh so slowly, leant in for a long and tender kiss. It felt like butterflies, tornados, and chocolate on fire; each battling stroke of their tongues stoking the age old flame of human desire.

"We can't!" exclaimed Snape, feeling suddenly noble again. "To prove my love for you we must abstain from carnal pleasures and wait until we have a proper hand-fastening ceremony!"

Hermione only heard "glurrbble glurbble" because Snape's tongue was still lodged down her throat.

"Pardon?" she asked sweetly, after she had pulled away from him.

Snape, who in canon would be quite irritated by having to repeat himself, calmly stated: "Hermione, oh my dearest, sweetest treasure. Do me the honour of becoming my bride, so that we can have lots more hot sex and many oddly named children." Maybe Snape might not say 'lots more' but the author had a temporary brain glitch and decided to leave it.

"Oh, yes, Severus!!!" Hermione exclaimed with utmost excitement. "It has always been my secret fantasy to bear many of your babies, all of which will undoubtedly be able to recite _Hogwarts a History_ front to back by the time they turn two."

Snape grabbed the blanket Hermione wasn't using and used it to wrap around himself, before standing up. "Wonderful! Now let us cloth our shameful nudity and pretend this didn't happen until the day after you've graduated. Then we can marry."

Hermione pouted, her lower lip protruding like a little pink rosebud. "But I wanted a second go," she whinged. "The first time was marvelous, it's not fair that you'd hold out on me _now!_"

"My sincerest apologies, my sweet," Snape purred, even though the author hates when fanfiction writers make characters purr because they aren't fucking cats now are they? "It would be un-noble of me to take advantage of you when you are still my student. Hence why we are now pretending that this never occurred."

"What never occurred?" Hermione asked, because even though she is brilliant she is bound to have her stupid moments.

"Good girl." Snape moved quickly towards the bathroom, grabbing his robes on the way.


End file.
